urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying look_im_dying look_im_dying 2006-03-17T04:28:58Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:4133 2006-03-17T04:28:58Z 2006-03-17T04:28:58Z So everyone in awhile when im completely bored i feel like i have to write a livejournal<br />so the last weeks have been a rollercoaster........ i still have so many questions<br />What if what your looking for cant be found?<br />I really dont know me and the beau are kinda having some problems it seems like we are always fightine so we decided every week to take a day or to apart. Oh sunday i went to a show at soma it was pretty sweet theirs this band called pistolita which i love.........<br />Dont really know what else to say other then BLAH (which is how i feel right now) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:3993 2006-02-08T01:40:15Z 2006-02-08T01:40:15Z I just dont know anymore........<br />Why do i alwayd manage to fuck things up<br />but what if things were fucked up before?<br /><br /><br />"I drift away to a place<br />Another kind of life<br />Take away the pain<br />I create my paradise<br /><br />Everything I've held<br />Has hit the wall <br /><br />Falling apart, and all that I'm asking<br />Is it a crime, am I overreacting<br /><br />So what you had didn't fit<br />Among the pretty things<br />never fear, never fear<br />I know now where you've been<br /><br />Braids have been un-tied<br />As Ribbons fall away<br />Leave the consequence<br />My tears you'll taste<br /><br />Falling apart and all that I question<br />Is this a dream or is this my lesson<br /><br /><br /><br />I don't believe I'll be alright<br />I don't believe I'll be ok<br />I do believe you didn't try<br /><h1>When i look in your eyes, I don't see mine</h1><br /><br />Oh my permission to sin"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />IM LOST<br />I FEEL LIKE IM DROWNNING IN A POOL OF MY OWN BLOOD<br />WHO AM I WITHOUT YOU<br />IS THIS RIGHT<br />I DONT KNOW ANYMORE<br /><br /><br />IF you feel like you have to lie<br />when its somthing so small is it ok<br />Its not ok that i feel like i have to<br />In a perfect world what would you do, what you take all the little stuff for grounded<br /><br /><br />"Don't wanna lie, I'm jaded<br />I wanna scream when inside I'm breaking down<br />I've left the stone I was under<br />I'm running home, you won't find him<br />He walks alone all through this broken town<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />Goin' the wrong way down a one way street<br />Where the feeling is criminal<br />Nobody helps me out when I believe<br />Just a look, look, looking for someone like me<br />Where the feeling is mutual<br />Can anybody see what I see<br />Cuz I don't see me<br /><br />I blow away the ashes<br />I clear his space to look at him<br />I found a place where I'll keep you<br />Cuz I won't live through you or beneth you<br />I walk this way where these winds won't bring me down<br />dont, Let me be<br />Save that love<br />Don't waste it on me<br />Cuz if I take a chance<br />Be my reckonin'"<br /><br />Cuz I don't see me urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:3809 2006-01-28T05:26:01Z 2006-01-28T05:26:01Z whos gonna catch me when i fall so i was looking at my old friends winterformal pictures and this is what i have to say<br /><br /><br />so much has changes <br />in the blink of an eye<br />theirs no going back<br />but if you could would you try?<br />theirs no middle ground <br />with people like that<br />do you really hate me now??<br />what am i to you<br />a mistake with friends?<br />in the blink of an eye it can all change in a instant<br />is it wrong to be jealous of old times<br />when your happy with the right now<br />am i aloud to have the best of both worlds<br />you take the good with the bad<br />but its not fair<br />i guess lifes not fair<br />all the good times we had<br />no more<br />im looked down upon<br />totally forgotten<br />but i cant complain im so happy now<br />i just feel a little bit of me is incomplete<br />is it wrong that i feel this way?<br />is it fair to the people i have now?<br />i just dont know anymore<br />but what can i do<br />theirs no going back in time<br />but if i could would i?<br />id like to say no<br />but if i did would things be better<br />cause then id realize <br />that what i have is so much better<br />my brain goes around in circles<br />I CANT GO BACK IN TIME<br />but if i could would i?<br />the answer IS NO<br />ive gained so much more <br />screw them i hate them now<br />but thats just not true<br />they were apart of me<br />but not no more<br />im better off without them<br />and i know thats true<br />if u find love in this world<br />keep onto it cause its worth it<br />you have to loose people<br />eventually<br />but if you find love<br />dont you dare loose that urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:3420 2006-01-18T01:22:04Z 2006-01-18T01:22:04Z Caught up in the rapture K so its been awhile sence ive updated this so let me just say whats been goin on<br /><br />Friday-we were late for a party down town and when we got their all the liquer was gone so we stayed at james boyfriends house scott<br /><br />Saturday- we went to this huge party in point loma i think<br />4 shots of vodka and two cups of gin(95 proff)and juice(thats right snoop dog gin and juice i was layed back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind)haha had to <br /><br />Sunday- we were planning on on staying in but we got a call from amanda saying that their was this good party were they were shooting a rap video. So we went when we got their haha the party was in a appartment and they didnt answer the door.....lame then we went to amanda's house and somked hookah and i drank a lil and then we cut this guys hair but shoot i still dont rember his name lets just say me and robert did a damn good job cuttin he looks 10x better<br /><br />Oh yea sweet my parents are out of town tell monday sweet<br /><br />it was cool being to hang with Amanda and Mary cause we havent seen them in like forever<br /><br />Paris Hiltons album should be out soon <br />thats right all u hatters i already know what your gonna say but hey if i was famous for a porno i would sing to urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:3253 2005-09-29T04:37:41Z 2005-09-29T04:37:41Z Lil kim "quiet" The week has been pretty good<br />Friday we went to tysons birthday party were i met jello shots, 3 cups of coke and vodka,and 13 jello shots later was pretty gone blackout blackout!!!<br />Saturday we went to a white party in mera mesa were their were major asians and good food,had a really bad time and wanted to leave boring ass time and a few hurtfull words later we went to kevins and passed out<br />Sunday was a kick back day nothin to big but w.e<br />Monday went to kevins and watched sweet sixteen<br />Tuesday robert spent the night and we watched ols alias's<br />Wednesday school and then back to my house for americas next top model<br />Tommorow well.......lests see if he rembers :(<br /><br /><br />luv you boy urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:3068 2005-09-20T06:46:53Z 2005-09-20T06:46:53Z none With more ups then downs at times and sadly more downs at times.......<br />but i have trust that everything will be ok<br />this weekend sucked!!!!!!!!<br />we drove all over san diego to find a party and we never found one<br />well the last couple days have been kind of hard me and the love intrest have been getting in our fair share of fights....which suck<br />i dont know why couples fight so much but maybe because when your in love every little thing that the other does effects each other sooo much thats its easy to upset and hurt the other even when its the last thing youd ever want......<br />i dunno i guess its how we keep each other in check of the do's the donts and everything else<br />maybe its because its easier to act angry at the molment to show that your actually hurt....<br />well i love you baby and all this other stuff is worth it as long as its will be their for me<br /><br />and baby its worth it<br /><br /><br /><br />LOVE,<br />JOsh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:2596 2005-09-16T09:41:47Z 2005-09-16T09:41:47Z alex johnson Pick Up The Pieces<br /><br />I was adrift<br />On an ocean all alone <br />You came and rescued me <br />When I was far from home <br /><br />A rush of love around my heart <br />Just as I fell apart <br /><br />Nobody ever cared as much for me<br />Nobody’s touched my heart and healed my pain <br />You’ve picked up the pieces <br />And put me back together again <br /><br />Careful, we’re fragile <br />And easily we break <br />In your arms I’m certain <br />Is all the love we’ll make <br /><br />A rush of love around my heart <br />Just as you take my hand <br /><br />Nobody ever cared as much for me<br />Nobody’s touched my heart and healed my pain <br />You’ve picked up the pieces <br />And put me back together<br /><br />I’ll write your name in stars across the sky <br />We’ll drift away into each other’s eyes<br />Yeah<br /><br />Nobody ever cared as much for me<br />Nobody’s touched my heart and healed my pain <br />You’ve picked up the pieces <br />And put me back together again urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:2253 2005-08-23T02:41:44Z 2005-08-23T02:41:44Z have you ever why is it that you hurt the ones closest to you? Maybe because their so close to you that you feel vonerable and weak and safe at the same time. Maybe because you love them so much that you let your fears stay inside out of being scared to hurt them. Youd rather lie to them and make them feel your allright them hurt them out of your insucurities and fears. Maybe its because you love them so much youd never want them to feel bad, so you keep all your fears inside until finally their to much and you act harshly to make your self feel better. You let all you fears cloud your judjement and act harshly to feel better, to feel like you dont care and are ok. When thats not the case......ive made mistakes and im trying to work on them im new and nieve somtimes i care more bout my pain then anyone elses somtimes, but thats only human. I need to start being more open to you and talk to you bout my fears,worries,and problems with you,instead of finding molmentary closure in others....i need to change i know that but we both need to work on these things because we both need to grow. I feel like with each bad experience theirs light at the end of then tunnel. Hell it took the worst experience in my life to finally be able to meet you,with out all those hardships i would of never met you. Im thankfull that ive gone through all these tough times because i feel in then end they'll make us better and grow into a bigger and better couple.<br /><br />I love you baby and am so thankfull your taking me back i appologize to those few others that i hurt out of my own fears and worries i realize that i lost your trust too, and that kills me.<br /><br />I leave with this song<br /><br />Have You Ever?<br />Brandy <br /><br />Have you ever loved somebody so much<br />It makes you cry<br />Have you ever needed something so bad<br />You can't sleep at night<br />Have you ever tried the words<br />But they don't come out right<br />Have you ever, have you ever<br /><br />Have you ever been in love<br />Been in love so bad<br />You'd do anything to make them understand<br />Have you ever had someone steal your heart away<br />You'd give anything to make them feel the same<br />Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart<br />But you don't know what to say<br />And you don't know where to start<br /><br />Have you ever found the one<br />You've dreamed of all your life<br />You'd do anything to look in their eyes<br />Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to<br />Only to find that one won't give their heart to you<br />Have you ever closed your eyes and<br />Dreamed that they were there<br />And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care<br /><br />What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby<br />What do I gotta do to get in your heart<br />To make you understand how I need you next to me<br />Gotta get you in my world<br />'Coz baby I can't sleep urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:2010 2005-08-12T09:09:39Z 2005-08-12T09:09:39Z Wont you give our love a chance WOW tonight just all aroung awesome<br />started of kinda crappy cause robert couldnt pick me up soooooo i went and chilled with jeanna<br />it was awesome we got to catch up and was soo much fun but.... i missed my baby<br />so round 8 robbie finally picked me up we went back to his house and "downloaded music" lol......<br />then we went to my house were we watched 13 going on 30<br />it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo<br />awesome then we played star wars we yes i did kick ass<br />but the last 10 mins when we went out and i smoked a cigerette<br />it meant sooo much we were both so chummy and lovey it was the greatest thing<br />To whom this may concern......<br />if its even possible with every growing day i fall deeper and deeper in love with you<br />yes best day ever and im sure im making you all wanna vomite<br />I LOVE YOU BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />&lt;3 JOsh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:1786 2005-08-02T07:47:16Z 2005-08-02T07:47:16Z Its 2 days tell my b-day and yeah im excited im sooooooo happy right now im in love with the perfect boyfriend who has everything looks,charm,charisma,brains,and understanding........im sooo lucky i feel bad for everyone else who does not have the complete package when we first got together i didnt see a future never saw it coming this far, but i was wrong and will gladly admit it this has been a perfect week and us hanging out everyday is all i want i hope its not to much for you<br />I love you with all my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />U and ME baby always and forever i see us having a future together i hope you do too<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />&lt;3<br />-JOsh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:1500 2005-07-28T20:57:59Z 2005-07-28T20:57:59Z This i promise you I cant get this picture out of my head you geting drunk and dancying with another guy that thought is haunting me it was the hole way you did it first promising to call me and i wait up for 2 hours waiting for your calls and u never call, then u decide to go to a party and get drunk knowing that i would care how could you do that to me? Then worst of all you lie to me 5 times first it was just the girls,then it was he tried dancying with you and ubacked off right away, then it was for 10secs for u to realize, then you were so drunk it took a lil while to realize he was dancying, and now you say that u were dancying with him for 5 mins. How could you lie to me u say u didnt want to get me mad is that how u want this relationship to work? I have to be honest with u no matter what but you can lie to me? We can have lies in our relationship as long as its to your advantage? I cant get this out of my mind im trying but it kills me i can see it all u getting drunk you get so flirtatious when u get drunk, andi know how you dance and its pretty sexual, if im the only one for you and mean so much to you how could you do that to me? Ill end with this "what you dont know cant kill you" thats not true its what you keep from me to save me from getting hurt that kills me urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:1251 2005-07-25T03:32:54Z 2005-07-25T03:32:54Z Hey all(3 people) so im back from minnesota which wasant as fun as it could been cause the hole!!!!!!!!!time i missed my baby well feels great to be back hope i can pick up where we all left off<br />peace<br />josh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:773 2005-07-11T07:34:08Z 2005-07-11T07:34:08Z nutty nutty nutty my love for you So yeah im going to minnesota in 4 days......i cant believe it came up so soon!!!it scares the crap out of me i cant go a few hours with out missing my baby let a lone 8,9 days it sucks soooo bad these last few days have been hard for the both of us ohh yea last night i got alchol poisining and hypervenilated all morning plus the party went bad too and it was kinda my fault which makes me feel like shit well at least the last few days im home were gonna make it the best ever!!!!<br />love you babe<br />&lt;3<br />josh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:675 2005-07-05T08:36:51Z 2005-07-05T08:36:51Z SO yea the last 3 months have been soooo awesome i like to look back at like the first time we met at the living room and our long walk i love for thatcrap just got dropped off and was bored so i decided to write a lil bit but other that that im going to minnesota in 2 weeks which sucks....i mean it will be really fun but, im gonna miss my baby <br />less then 3<br />&lt;3<br />josh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:look_im_dying:333 2005-07-02T10:23:54Z 2005-07-02T10:23:54Z So right now im on the phone with robbie and been bored waiting for him to get out of the shower and it led me to making a livejournal and now to this so today i hung with robbie and amanda it was fun i got to hear the awesome news about thongs lol, and then she had these awful migraines and i think she has brain anurisims(no doctor dont know how to spell it) and she agreed that i was going to die of lung cancer its awesome thus the user name look_im_dying well thats all for now p.s my moms crazy